www.TwasTheNightb4Tonight.com

I had a melt down last night.... again. I'm not saying I have melt-down's a lot, but when I do they are usually about the same thing.... 

*****beware don't read the rest if you "don't care about my meltdown".*****

It started building up this past weekend while we were in Chicago at Nick's college roommates house for the "Spagota Family Holiday Dinner". 15 of us began to gather at Chris & Kd's house beginning LATE Wednesday night through til Sunday afternoon. I spent a decent portion of the weekend, saddened by the fact that Nick had all his college Guy friends to hang out with, and I had no one... there were girls there, however they were roommates in college, and I was not their roomamte so I felt left out. They did include me when they thought they should, but sometimes it's almost worst to just be included. I made an effort, even with the guys, but I felt like everytime I opened my mouth to say something, someone else started talking and no one noticed or remembered to ask what I as going to say....ouch - that hurts.

Then on the way home, Nick made some comment about not wanting to be "here" in 3 years. He wanted to be with his friends..... well the 1st problem is that there aren't more than 1 of his friends in any city.... so no matter where we hypothetically would be in 3 years, will still only have 1 friend. 2nd problem; I love it here! 3rd problem; no matter where we move, we'll never live near any of my friends.....  so again my feelings are just hurting more......

THEN..... last night, Nick "jokingly" texted Ross to see if he could come visit this weekend since they both had the weekend off.... I was looking forward to a non-busy/stressful/planned weekend with JUST Nick since I had to share him with the guys last weekend....!  After Ross said that he could come, Nick asked me if he could....  at this point I just said "Sure, why not."  

And here are my feelings about all this in point form:

1. I'm jealous of Nick that he has friends that live within
    15, 16, 30, and 60 minutes close to us.
2. I'm jealous that he has friends that dispite the fact that they
    live 3 hours away, will still drive all the way to visit.
3. I'm sad that my friends, are become just virtual, facebook friends only...
4. I'm sad that my friends all live in towns other than our hometown
    so we are never home at the same time.
5. I'm sad that the traditional Girls Christmas party is going to happen
    this year and I can't go but everyone else can.
6. I'm sad that one of my best friends is pregnant and there is a
    chance I might never get to see her pregnant.
7. I'm sad that there is nothing I can do about all of these feelings.
8. I'm sad that we have lived here for 9 months and I still don't have a single friend!!

9. I'm sad that the few friends I do have in this country, have kids
    or busy lives and can't come hang out with me.
10. I'm hate that I grew up with friends always at my front door,
      and now I don't even have a friend to go shopping with.

In conclusion, there isn't anything that anyone can do for me, this is my battle.... and Nick held me as the tears poured out of my eyeballs last night.