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This book that we are reading in my group of future ministry wives is good. As we read it, there are things that hit some people harder than others, and there are parts that make me think about myself in a different or deeper way.  I hope I'm able to write out my thoughts about my readings in a way that make sense and record how I actually feel about what I've read.

This week has been rough. I didn't get a job or even an interview that I thought I had a good chance at.

before I continue, I have to tell you this random story.  Nick just went into the living room to get something and asked if I wanted anything..... I said "Yes, but I don't know what so figure it out and bring it to me!" Let me tell you he did good! He brought me in a Cadbury Canadian Caramilk Chocolate bar!!! The first bite was the so mouthwateringly good that my eyes started pooling..... sooo good. It's been far too long since I've indulged into my secret stash of "it's been a 'crappy day/week' so I need a Canadian Caramilk".

So anyways, with all that's been going on in my life, my frustration everyday that I'm STILL working in a pharmacy.... that my kiddo's in MI are sick and I'm not there to help support their parents, and that my cousin's having a baby and I don't get to be there.... it's been a rough week.

There is a quote in the book that I thought was really good: 

Lord, give me eyes
That I may see
Lest, I as people will,
Should pass someone's Calvary
And think it's just a hill.
           - unknown

After sharing with the group that this quote hit me, one of the girls, Laura, said that from the beginning I struck her as someone who has a lot of "empathy" for people, that I care for people. 

The 6th chapter is all about being married and figuring out your different temperaments, and gifts, and how to live your best life knowing that. What the author writes is almost word for word what our wedding sermon was about... and when I mentioned that to the girls, they were all like, wow - I don't even remember what our message was about. She says (paraphrase): instead of trying to change our spouse into our temperament, we should encourage them to be their unique self, we need to be a gift to them, by complimenting their weaknesses with our strengths.  The author, Gail, said that she had a sensitivity to hear what someone was actually saying by watching them. She said that her husband figured out that her gift would add, not detract from his ministry.

She also talked about being a "resting place for 'his' soul" quoting Jonathan/Sarah Edwards, meaning that he can feel comfortable to say anything, to be completely transparent, to be comfortable. As a ministry wife, we need to be this for our husbands... we need to ask them how to help them feel comfortable enough in who we/I are/am for this to be true.

If you ever want to read a story about a wife who's whole purpose in life was to be a "gift" to her husband go to this link and read it.  Without the wife, we wouldn't even know the man behind the most classic devotional of all time!

She goes on to talk more about the gifts each other had. She said that she loved her husband and honoured his life sermon by letting him know that Sunday and his Sermon was the highlight of her week! He then tried to figure out what his wife's sermon was. He decided it was "it was the home that she prepared for me and the children." He began to honour her sermon, this is his quote:

     When I failed to show interest in cutting the lawn or threw my sport coat over the doorknob or left my toilet articles on the bathroom sink I was being selfish, doing the very thing that would have shattered me if she had done it to me. I was disinterested in her "sermon". "Oh God," I prayed "forgive me for being so insensitive to the things that are important to my wife; train me to understand the importance of hearing and enjoying the sermons in her life".

He later studied her, and decided that she was a "teacher-encourager" and from their told her that she needed to go speak at women's retreat when asked and other similar things.....

And after all that....  and all the other stuff that the book said in that chapter, and the discussion what do I do with that?

I think it's important to figure out what my "sermon" is.

Is it being empathetic to those I come in contact with? 

I spend most of my actions, telling others about how amazing my friends are for going through what they have. Sometimes I think that I might be annoying because I always have a story to tell, to go along with what gets brought up in conversation, but almost always, it's not about me. It's about a friend.. my most popular phrase must be "my friend _(insert name here)____ .....". What does that mean? Is that what I'm about.... walking beside others, telling their story to encourage others through whatever they're going through. Is that why I have so many friends who have made my heart hurt with the things in their life. I have shed tears so many times on behalf of my friends. It's not always sad. I'll tell my friends stories to assist others with life decisions etc.

.....or am I just using my friends as an excuse because I don't feel like I have any value, that my life hasn't had any impact on others?

What have my life experiences, the positions I've found myself in, said about my person. Who am I?

I'm trying to find a job that would make me happy, what is my sermon and how can what jobs I apply for help me to fulfill my sermon and make me happy?


Seriously.... I need those of you who know me well, to help me answer some of these questions.