www.prideUnleashed.com

This is real. Hard stuff.

 Haman went out that day happy and in high spirits. But when he saw Mordecai at the king’s gate and observed that he neither rose nor showed fear in his presence, he was filled with rage against Mordecai. Nevertheless, Haman restrained himself and went home.
Calling together his friends and Zeresh, his wife,  Haman boasted to them about his vast wealth, his many sons, and all the ways the king had honored him and how he had elevated him above the other nobles and officials. “And that’s not all,” Haman added. “I’m the only person Queen Esther invited to accompany the king to the banquet she gave. And she has invited me along with the king tomorrow. But all this gives me no satisfaction as long as I see that Jew Mordecai sitting at the king’s gate.”His wife Zeresh and all his friends said to him, “Have a pole set up, reaching to a height of fifty cubits, and ask the king in the morning to have Mordecai impaled on it. Then go with the king to the banquet and enjoy yourself.” This suggestion delighted Haman, and he had the pole set up.

 When Haman entered, the king asked him, “What should be done for the man the king delights to honor?”
Now Haman thought to himself, “Who is there that the king would rather honor than me?”  So he answered the king, “For the man the king delights to honor, have them bring a royal robe the king has worn and a horse the king has ridden, one with a royal crest placed on its head. Then let the robe and horse be entrusted to one of the king’s most noble princes. Let them robe the man the king delights to honor, and lead him on the horse through the city streets, proclaiming before him, ‘This is what is done for the man the king delights to honor!’”
“Go at once,” the king commanded Haman. “Get the robe and the horse and do just as you have suggested for Mordecai the Jew, who sits at the king’s gate. Do not neglect anything you have recommended.”

^{(after the King learns of Haman's original plan....)}
 Then Harbona, one of the eunuchs attending the king, said, “A pole reaching to a height of fifty cubits stands by Haman’s house. He had it set up for Mordecai, who spoke up to help the king.”The king said, “Impale him on it!”  So they impaled Haman on the pole he had set up for Mordecai. Then the king’s fury subsided.

-  Esther 5:9-14,  6:6-10,  7:9-10

^{Summary: Haman was so proud that he wanted to murder someone who didn't worship him. He ended up on the bad wrong of the murder.}

Pride is something I struggle with. People who struggle with pride usually don't have enough love in their life, but I don't fall under that category.

Who would want to be friends with someone who bragged about everything? No one. Yet that's what I do. Facebook is for me, a way to brag about things I've done. It's horrible, I know. (facebook has good too: it's a communication tool between me and my friends & family)

Words of Affirmation are 1 of the the Love Languages, but it feeds the pride in me. It's not good. All day long I send e-mails to people, texts, and post pictures to facebook, craving a response/notifications, re-assuring myself that I am the successful, even though I have been told over and over that I'm creative, that I'm talented, that I'm good enough.

But what it comes down to is that I don't believe it. I am so disappointed in myself. 

We've been studying Esther at church and last week, the sermon question was:

What if the point of WHERE God has you.... is to do something BEYOND you?

Esther, a Jewish girl became Queen of Pershia... which is not kosher....  but she was placed there by God because she was the only one who would be able to save her people.

The question hits be hard, because no matter how many jobs I apply for in my field, that I would excel at, I still end up working jobs that are "beneath me."

It's hard. Why am I here, why can't I go somewhere else?


God please prove to me my worth, and take away this Pride issue.
I was just reading in my book for my girls bible study and this verse stuck out:

Nevertheless, not my will but Yours be done. Luke 22:42
The reflection questions at the end of the chapter: How do you define yourself? Meditate on the fact that you are God's treasured possession. What circumstances are you currently living through? Meditate on God's sovereign providence and ask Him to help you hear the music of His sovereignity on this page of your life.

Matthew 10:29-31 - He is aware of and cares about the most minute detail of my life.