I posted this on my other blog, but I want to add it to this one too! I know not everyone who reads this is married, but I feel like it is an important concept that people are missing out on!
Being as though I am my fathers' daughter and like to read up on how to have the best marriage ever - I thought I'd like to pass on the things I learn.
From the book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman:
(My mis-conception of marriage). Love for the first few years is all the phrase "the honeymoon stage" is cracked up to be: tingles-passion-and-can't-keep-your-hands- off-each-other type stuff. Then after that wares off it has to be a decision to stay committed to each other and that it's a choice everyday to "love".
(Dr. Leman's point of view). Feelings come and go, but the only way they remain is if they are watered and nurtured with thoughts. You have a choice to give your self to this person fully or, for whatever reason, to hold yourself back. (pg. 180) Abstinence doesn't make the loins grow hotter, it just begets more abstinence. Sex on the other hand, begets more sex. Studies show that lovemaking elevates the levels of brain chemicals associate with desire. So the best way to increase your yearning for sex is to have it. (pg. 184) If you're not having sex 2-3 times a week you're too busy. (pg. 186)
(My translation of what he's saying). Its not just a choice, it's a lifestyle... it takes an effort to do things together, to keep the romance alive, but it isn't going to die, it doesn't go away and just leave a choice. It's possible to still be honeymooners after 60 years together. You just have to act like honeymooners..... don't ever leave that stage. If you kept a journal of your honeymoon, read what you wrote about the things you did, the way you acted, the things you told each other.... if you're not yet married - make sure you write that stuff down so you can look back.
I hope you enjoy reading the tidbits of advice that I'm going to share throughout this blog.
A Slow Cooker Thanksgiving
10 months ago
Nick and I def was past the honeymoon stage a while ago hahaha we are like an old married couple...maybe cuz we have already been together for like 7...haha
ReplyDeleteI don't think Dr. Leman was saying you should never leave the honeymoon stage. That's not real life. He's encouraging you to never lose physical passion--to make a conscious decision to keep a strong desire for your spouse. But that doesn't necessarily require acting like honeymooners--never thinking about anything other than your burning passion. That would be annoying to everyone around you. Passion is just one part of a marriage; it is not meant to be the only focus.
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